Betting on Yourself
I’ll never forget when my fiancé, Ryan, told me he started an apparel line and an LLC for BarnFit.
OK, fine. But no one is going to be into it. So, cool, but it doesn’t really change anything.
As we launched the brand, there was immediate interest.
OK, fine. But it’s probably because everyone is just bored and needs something to do in quarantine. Plus, no one is going to actually pay for this.
After more and more people joined the team, I found my days incredibly busy with programming and trying to build the brand.
OK, fine. But pretty soon, life is going to go back to normal. I have an extremely stressful job outside of this and I can’t live in this fantasy land forever.
Pretty soon, you all started tagging us in your Instagram stories with your new BarnFit swag and hashtag, “#barnbuilt”
OK, fine. But… But…
Maybe I am just holding myself back at this point.
Before I get any further, we have to take a step back to when BarnFit was first conceptualized.
I was a member at a gym that was filled with quite a few talented female athletes. All of us were competitive and were seemingly very interested in each other’s scores and results each day. I had been an athlete all my life and was now a nationally ranked competitive weightlifter. I worked hard and pursued a very high level of fitness that I was proud of. But I was so damn caught up on what other people were doing. Even if I could recognize I was just having a bad day, I would kill myself to beat the other girls. The times I fell short, I felt useless inside. When I did achieve higher marks than the other athletes, it still wasn’t enough. This sort of behavior day in and out for several years began to wear on myself AND my relationships. We even had “try outs” to be on competitive teams for competitions. When I didn’t get selected one year, I was upset for days, longing to be “as good as everyone else”. If you are a member at a CrossFit gym, you probably know this tune to a degree--there is usually a pretty high level of competition within the box that can be a bit toxic and suffocating at times.
I didn’t realize just how toxic it was for me until it was gone.
Shortly after, we moved into our current home. In the back stands a large brown pole barn that was seemingly perfect for a home gym. We put a lot of time and effort into making it everything we wanted and needed. Together, we assembled a custom Rogue rig with only 2 people (if you know, you know). I put together all the flywheel machines, and Ryan cut all the flooring to make it fit perfectly against the walls. When it was finally done, looking like a brand new state-of-the-art affiliate, I sighed:
“I can’t just work out at home by myself. I can’t push myself without the other girls.”
After a series of crazy, unfortunate and timely events after, the gym closed and changed owners (it is now CrossFit KS, check it out here). The long drive from our new home was killing me, especially after long work days in a stressful job. I found myself working out at home more and more. I began working on weaknesses I was too embarrassed to practice in the gym out of fear the other members would see me as lesser or not as good. I started to push myself to my own personal limit, and not in an attempt to beat any mark or specific score. Turns out, it’s a lot harder but much more rewarding when you are competing against yourself. I made “effort” my measuring stick—it didn’t matter how good or not good I was at an exercise, I just always made it a point to give everything I had. I left the Barn satisfied every single day, with the new pursuit and desire to just become my best me, whatever that means. To discover this fire 8+ years into starting my training journey has been such a unique and incredible experience.
A few months later, I qualified for my first CrossFit Sanctional event in an Individual Elite Female division. Four months after that, I qualified for another one. As far as I was concerned, I was onto something! I was desperate to share this perspective and environment with people, but a lot held me back.
The big fat elephant in the room is that I was working a full time job and barely had enough time to train myself as much as I wanted to, let alone work with other people.
More importantly, I was scared for it to fail. I was on such a high with my training, and I was scared to pour my energy into something new, something vulnerable, something scary. I couldn’t handle the prospect of going after my dreams and it not working out, so it was easier to not try at all (sound familiar?).
It wasn’t until Ryan spoke the first words of this post where my mindset really started to shift.
____
“I started an LLC for BarnFit. Also, I want to start an apparel line.”
OK, fine. But no one is going to be into it. So, cool, but it doesn’t really change anything.
As we slowly launched the brand, there was immediate interest.
OK, fine. But it’s probably because everyone is just bored and needs something to do in quarantine. Plus, no one is going to actually pay for this.
After more and more people joined the team, I found my days incredibly busy with programming and trying to build the brand.
OK, fine. But pretty soon, life is going to go back to normal. I have an extremely stressful job outside of this and I can’t live in this fantasy land forever.
Pretty soon, you all started tagging us in your Instagram stories with your new BarnFit swag and hashtag, “#barnbuilt”
OK, fine. But… But… What if I am just holding myself back at this point?
The self-deprecation was an endless cycle, until I realized that my expectation to fail was the purest manifestation of not living my values and what I preach to people every single day in the gym— Bet on Yourself. CHOOSE yourself. In this moment. BELIEVE in yourself.
Since launching, I have come across such a wide variety of people who have decided to take the next step in effectuating change in their lives. I’ve worked with CrossFitters seeking professional weightlifting coaching in order to get a better “Grace” time, weightlifters looking to qualify for national USAW meets, and moms & dads looking to stay active and keep up with their kids. I’ve worked with people who have tried every diet and fitness routine under the sun looking for answers to their weight loss journey, and people who are trying like heck to bulk up and put some muscle on.
We are all so very different, but we all have one thing in common: We dare to bet on ourselves. We value the lives we live and the goals we have so much that we dare to look fear directly in the eye. We take chances, because we believe we can do hard things. We show up and allow ourselves to be seen, because we know it is the only way to progress. We work on our weaknesses because we are unafraid to be vulnerable. We are leaders. We are role models. We may not always be fearless, but we are courageous. We know that discipline is freedom, and we only judge the effort we give. We put in the work every day with the cool confidence of knowing that in the end, it is always worth it.
You all have inspired me in so many ways the past few months. The mission of BarnFit was foggy and uncertain in the beginning, but now it is crystal clear.
It has been a wild and incredible first few months. We have had countless personal records, many inches and pounds lost, countless smiles and laughs, loads of knowledge shared, and incredible memories. As we continue to bet on ourselves and this mission, I look forward to the future with joy, excitement and gratitude. I am so driven to continue this work and provide knowledge, camaraderie and effective coaching to you. I am grateful to be your coach, and it is a craft that I will actively pursue on a professional basis for many years to come.
Gratefully,
Alberta
